Ask any long-term couple about their sex life and what I often get is silence. We don’t talk about sex honestly.
When I ask women, they tell me that sex for them is a kind of spiritual experience. They tell me their vulvas are connected to their hearts. Sex for sport doesn’t appeal to them.
Men, on the other hand, do not necessarily see a connection between their penis and heart. They usually learn about sex while masturbating as a teenager. Sex is something that involves a penis. Love happens in one’s heart. They tell me they can easily enjoy one without the other.
For men, sexual pleasure is a relief from stress. Women, on the other hand, long to be fulfilled by love during sex. It takes quite an effort for a man to learn to keep his heart open during sex. Many men are not even aware that they are disconnected in the first place.
Women need to invite men to move more into their bodies. Yoga might help facilitate this. Dancing would also work. Once he is in his body, a woman can try inviting him into his heart with her heart.
This takes courage, vulnerability and compassion. A woman who is tired and who doesn’t feel cherished by her husband rarely finds the energy to even attempt this.
Talking from this place of vulnerability is often what leads to healing.